


What's A Soulmate?

by StarSpangledBucky



Series: Frostpudding [4]
Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bifrost, Brief Mention of Thor And Sif's Relationship, Character Death, Crying, Dad Tom Hiddleston, Engagement, F/M, Feelings, Frostpudding, Happy Ending, I Ship Thor And Sif More, I'm Sorry, Illusions, Loki Feels, Loki Needs a Hug, Loki and Tom Have A Son, M/M, Memories, Odin Is Good For Once, Odin's Good Parenting, Poor Loki, Sad, Soulmates, Temporary Character Death, dad Loki, graveyard, not sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-17 23:14:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3547343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarSpangledBucky/pseuds/StarSpangledBucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom's sudden passing left a dull ache in Loki. With Tom gone, he left behind Loki and their son, Alexander. For Loki it took some time to cope. Alexander wants to know what a soulmate is. Loki tells him exactly what he thinks, even if it hurts him inside. But a surprise lurks in the shadows and for Loki, it's the greatest gift of all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's A Soulmate?

**Author's Note:**

> I was stressed last night so I ended up writing this. It was going to be sad but then I decided to give it a happy ending. Also Odin is so out of character (actually A+ parenting haha)

It was a cool, sunny London morning in the Spring time. Tree branches blew swiftly in the wind, birds sang in the trees at arrivals of new life and citizens bustled in the city. The only quiet place that morning was the cemetery. An old gate to the cemetery creaked open as shoes scuffed on the stone path. Loki closed the gate behind him, before taking the hand of a seven year old boy with raven black hair and piercing blue eyes. Tom and Loki had always talked about having children later in life. So seven years before Tom's tragic passing, they had a surrogate mother give them their son,  _Alexander Orvar Hiddleston_. Loki wanted his son to have an English name, but gave him an Old Norse middle name meaning  _'arrow'_.

They wandered down a narrow pathway to an old tree where a grave lay. The god was all too used to going there every two or three months. Life had never been the same after Tom was gone. Alexander kept Loki awake at night, wondering when his father would be coming home. Loki had to explain that Tom was never coming home, that he'd most likely gone to Valhalla. Their son knew all about Asgard, about Thor, Odin, Frigga and so on. He wanted to go, Loki wasn't so sure, he didn't want to leave Tom. As they approached the grave, Loki felt all the sadness wash over him again. His eyes welled with tears as he kicked away the wilting flowers and placed down new ones. He sat down with his legs crossed and ran his hand over the headstone, clearing away some moss as he stared at it.

_Here lies Thomas William Hiddleston_

_9th February 1981 - 21st November 2013_

_Loved son, husband, father and actor_

_"My darling soulmate, may you spread your wings and fly freely."_

Loki covered his mouth with his hand as a choked sob left his throat. He squeezed his eyes closed and begged for it to be a dream. But when he opened his eyes, he still saw the grave, and he still saw Alexander standing next to him.

"Father," he spoke.

"Yes my darling?" Loki replied.

"What's a soulmate?" he asked.

The god looked up at his son and took his hand again, bringing him down to sit in his lap. He hugged his son close and smiled sadly as he squeezed him tight.

"Well Alexander, a soulmate-" he paused, biting back the tears. "A soulmate is someone who loves you for who you are. Someone who loves you for all your flaws even if they are so terribly bad. A soulmate is somebody who makes you laugh and smile even in the worst of times. They'll be your best friend at first, and then they'll become the person you love. A soulmate is someone who would give their life up, just to make sure that you're alright. Soulmates will give you everything you need, they'll change you, and make you a better person. A soulmate is the one you will spend eternity with," Loki explained.

"Was father your soulmate?" Alexander questioned.

"Yes. Oh yes he was," Loki sobbed. "I was such a bitter man before I met your father. I was an angry, jealous fool. Thomas changed that for me," he added.

"When will he come home?" the young boy continued.

"Oh darling, he won't be...he won't," the god whispered. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry," he wavered.

"Please don't cry father," Alexander soothed.

Loki choked out a small chuckle as he pulled Alexander into his arms, feeling his son's arms wrap around him, hugging him tightly. He closed his eyes again and smoothed his hand through Alexander's hair.

"You're just like your father. He always told me to stop crying," he sighed.

At that moment, a memory boiled inside Loki's mind.

_"Loki what am I supposed to do with you if you keep lying to me!" Tom yelled._

_"Thomas, darling I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I am trying so hard, I am! Please..." Loki pleaded._

_"Darling..." Tom whispered._

_Loki was in tears as he looked away from Tom and tried to hold back the tears. When he felt a hand on his arm he turned, seeing Tom's blue eyes staring into his. Tears slid down his cheeks and Tom smiled softly._

_"Stop crying you bloody idiot," he soothed, wiping his thumb over Loki's cheek._

_"I'll try better. I promise you," Loki crooned._

_"I know...I know. I love you," Tom sighed._

_The god smiled slightly as he pulled Tom close, their noses touching as his breath lingered on Tom's lips. He closed his eyes and drowned himself in the sweet smell from Tom. His heart beat jumped in his chest when he felt Tom's lips brush his jaw._

_"Loki..." Tom hummed._

_"I love you too," Loki whispered._

_He tilted Tom's head then and kissed him, passionately and lovingly. Their relationship had been rocky, but in the end they always fixed it._

"Did father love us?" Alexander queried.

"Yes darling, he loved us very much," Loki replied.

Loki was then jaded with another memory.

_He was waiting on Tom to get back from working on set. Loki had sent Alexander off to a friend's house for the week, Alexander didn't protest, he had made a lot of friends since starting school. He'd gone to Surrey with Tom, they were filming Thor: The Dark World and Tom had invited him along anyway. The god made dinner and had it sitting out on the table, candles lit and music playing quietly in the background. He was about to go and get dressed for Tom coming home when the phone rang. Loki walked into the hallway and picked it up, leaning against the wall._

_"Hello?" he replied._

_"Loki, hi, it's Chris," a voice answered._

_"Chris? Is everything alright?" Loki asked._

_"No I-" Chris paused._

_Loki could hear him choking back a sob and the god pushed himself off the wall, crossing his arm over his chest._

_"Chris, please tell me what happened?" he wavered._

_"Loki, I'm so sorry. But...there's been an accident, on set. One of the structures collapsed that Tom was on and he-oh mate I'm sorry," Chris choked out._

_"No," Loki whispered. "No...please don't tell me he's-" he paused, covering his mouth with his hand._

_"I'm sorry, we tried everything. I got him out but he was already gone..." Chris answered._

_"No, no...no!" Loki cried, sinking down to the floor._

_His body shook as he dropped the phone, Chris' voice calling to him over the line. But he didn't pick it back up, he sobbed hysterically, clawing at his hair as he tried to shake the thought away. He can't be dead, he can't he thought. Loki's eyes were flooding with tears as he screamed in the empty hallway. He screamed for Tom, he screamed for anybody._

_"Loki!" Chris exclaimed, voice echoing out the phone._

_The god picked up the phone and threw it at the wall, hearing it shatter as he buried his head into his arms._

_"Thomas..." he cried, shoulders trembling._

_Loud bursts of lightning and thunder stirred him from his shaky state as he looked out of the rental house window. It wasn't normal for there to be that much, it could only mean one thing. Thor. Loki got to his feet and hurried to the back door, running out into the freezing weather, tears still raining down his face. A flash of light crackled through the sky and then disappeared as mist dispersed into the air._

_"Loki!" Thor yelled._

_The god ran, he ran to the blonde and collapsed into his arms. Thor had heard his cries and asked to be brought to Midgard immediately. The blonde wrapped his strong arms around Loki and held him close._

_"Brother, what has happened?" he asked._

_"T-Thomas...he's dead!" Loki wailed, breaking down again._

_"Oh Loki. I'm sorry. It's alright, I'm here," Thor soothed._

_"How did you hear me?" Loki asked, sniffling as he held onto Thor tighter._

_"Heimdall told me," Thor replied._

_"Oh Thor, what am I to do?" the younger man whimpered._

_"We will figure something out brother, together," Thor whispered._

The memory faded and Loki sighed deeply, still hugging Alexander tightly. But Alexander had fallen asleep, his body light against Loki's. A lot of people had shown up to Tom's funeral. Both Chris', Robert, Scarlett, Mark, Jeremy, Benedict and so on. Thor arrived too, much to Hemsworth's shock and surprise. It was a beautiful send off, but Loki couldn't contain himself from breaking down and collapsing when he saw Tom's coffin being lowered. Chris Evans was there to help him back up, he'd been all too kind to Loki that day. After the service, everybody offered their condolences to Loki, and Scarlett said they'd all be there for him if he needed them. Loki didn't ask for them though, he hadn't seen them in a long while. He stood up, picking Alexander up with him as he stared down at the grave once more.

"I miss you so much Thomas. Alexander misses you. You were far too young my darling. My mortal love. You were so beautiful. I shall see you later, even if it is only an illusion, I still must see you. I love you," Loki spoke.

He turned away and started to make his way back up the path. The wind blew stronger as the clouds turned grey. It happened every time Loki went to leave, the weather would change. It'd taken him so long to cope, and he still couldn't cope. Tom was everything to him and he was gone now. Loki would give anything to have him back.

* * *

It was midnight by the time Loki had gotten Alexander to settle into bed. Alexander was difficult on these days when they visited Tom. He yawned as he wandered down the hallway of their flat, missing the sound of Tom's singing voice. Tom always sang in their bedroom until Loki turned up. He missed pushing the door open and seeing Tom playing the guitar and singing softly so not to wake their son.

"Oh my darling," he breathed out.

Loki peeled off his clothes, leaving himself in some loose shorts as he wandered over to the window. It was raining lightly, some flashes of lightning following, and the light rumble of thunder. The god closed the curtains and walked back to the door as he locked it. He didn't want to be disturbed at all. His body ached from chasing Alexander all night to try and get him to sleep. It was a god send when he lay on the plush mattress on his back, the sheets soft on his bare skin.

"Let's see how we go tonight," he whispered.

The god lifted his hand and flicked his wrist as swirls of green magic conjured in his palm. He closed his eyes and breathed in slowly, letting the magic swirl around the room and around himself. His hands waved above him, shifting the magic as he relaxed into the bed. When he let out a deep, steady breath, the magic vanished. Loki waited for a moment, before a smile crossed his face, feeling a hand slide up his stomach.

"Hello love," a voice spoke.

Loki opened his eyes and turned his head, seeing Tom right there beside him, his eyes weary and his mouth curved into a sad smile. Tom still had his lovely sandy blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes that Loki missed. He did this as many nights as he could, just to help him sleep at night. It was all an illusion but every touch felt so real to Loki and it put him at ease.

"Hello darling," Loki answered.

"What have you done to yourself Loki? You're skinnier than last time. You look tired," Tom whispered.

"I am tired..." Loki sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Exhausted even. And I can't eat because every time I do my stomach churns," he added.

"Oh Loki," Tom soothed, bringing his hand up to brush against the god's cheek.

He leaned into the touch and turned on his side, kissing Tom's palm.

"I miss you," he wavered, feeling fresh tears pool in his eyes.

"I miss you too," Tom replied. "How's Alexander?" he asked.

"Troublesome, but he's doing well," Loki mused.

"But?" Tom continued.

"Thomas, I want to take him to Asgard. I want to go home. There's nothing left here for me. I can't stay here and watch our friends wilt away while I still live for many more years to come," Loki explained.

"Loki..." the blonde whispered.

"I don't want Alexander growing up asking why his father isn't aging much and he is," the god choked out, letting the tears fall. "I can get him an apple, I can ask mother for something, anything to make Alexander one of our kind," he added.

"Go then," Tom replied.

"What?" Loki breathed out, staring straight into Tom's eyes.

"Love, I will be with you always wherever you go. I think it would be good for Alexander. At least then you will have Thor, Frigga...and Odin if he wishes to give his blessing," he issued.

Loki nodded as he let out a shaky breath, closing his eyes as tears slid down his cheeks. Tom wiped one away as he lent closer, his lips lingering on Loki's.

"I love you so much," he hummed.

"I-" Loki paused, letting out a choked cry. "I love you too, very much, everyday," he continued.

Tom kissed him then, deeply, meaningfully as he pushed some of Loki's hair from his face. The god tilted his head and pulled Tom closer, their bodies as close as they could get. It felt all too real and Loki could feel tears from Tom falling into his skin as Tom moved onto Loki. His weight was light and Loki wrapped his arm around Tom's waist, resting his hand on Tom's bare skin when his shirt rode up.

"One more time for old times sake darling?" Tom crooned.

"One last time..." Loki whispered.

He hated saying goodbye.

* * *

"Alexander, I need you to hold on tight for me," Loki soothed.

"Where are we going father?" he asked.

"Home my darling, to Asgard. Thomas would have wanted us to be happy," Loki replied.

"What about Uncle Chris and Benedict and everybody else?" Alexander whispered.

Loki looked up and stared at the friends they were leaving behind, Robert, Scarlett, Hemsworth, Evans, Mark, Jeremy and Benedict. They all came out to bid their farewells. Scarlett wiped a tear from her eye and smiled weakly. Hemsworth and Evans looked at each other, then back to Loki as they gave small nods. Loki could have sworn he saw no dry eyes from all of them. The god smiled back at them and gave them a small reassuring nod.

"We'll come back and visit them, I promise," he answered. "Hold on tight to your gifts you got from them alright?" he added.

Alexander nodded as Loki looked up into the sky, his breathing slowing.

"Heimdall, open the Bifrost!" he called.

He looked back down at his friends as an array of colours circled around them.

"Goodbye friends," he spoke, giving them a wave.

They waved back as Loki wrapped his arms around Alexander, their bodies lurching upwards. Alexander cheered with delight as they soared up at a high speed, putting a smile on Loki's face as they went. Loki wasn't sure how he'd fair being back home on Asgard. But he was sure that he would find it much better to cope that way. As the sounds started to die down, Loki knew they were close. Stars appeared and then a vortex of white flashed before them as he gripped his son tighter. When he opened his eyes he saw the familiar interior of the Observatory, his eyes falling on Heimdall.

"Welcome back, Loki," he spoke.

"Thank you Heimdall," Loki replied.

"Thor, Frigga and Odin await your arrival," he continued.

Loki nodded as he rested his hand on Alexander's back and guided him out to the Bifrost.

"Who was that?" he asked.

"That's Heimdall, he keeps watch of the other realms and he used to send me down to meet your father when I still stayed here in Asgard," Loki replied.

"What's this?" Alexander gasped, kneeling down to run his hand along the rainbow colours of the bridge.

"This is the Bifrost, it connects the Observatory to the kingdom. We're going to see Thor, my mother and my father," the god chimed, grinning widely.

"Will they like me?" Alexander questioned.

"Of course they will. Odin, he might take some time, he's a stubborn old fool. But I'll try my best to make him like you," Loki chuckled.

"Brother!" a voice boomed.

He looked up and saw Thor riding along on a horse, Sif and Fandral close behind him. Loki stopped in his tracks and rested his hands on Alexander's shoulders. He could see his son staring in wonder as the three new strangers approached him.

"We didn't expect you for another week," Thor boasted.

"Plans changed," Loki answered. "I'm staying," he added.

"Staying? For good?" Thor asked.

"Yes, brother," Loki laughed.

Thor gave out a loud cheer as he slowed the horse down to a walk, stopping beside Loki.

"This is good news," he mused.

Loki turned his head and looked at Sif, giving her a curt nod.

"Lady Sif," he spoke.

"Loki," she replied.

"Might I say congratulations," he continued, glancing at Thor. "And to you too brother, on your betrothal to Lady Sif. I always wondered when you were going to be rid of Jane," he teased.

"Don't be a fool," Thor laughed.

"Oh..." Sif whispered, a small blush crossing her cheeks. "Thank you," she added.

"Who is this young fellow?" Fandral interjected.

Loki smiled.

"This is my son, Alexander Orvar Hiddleston," he responded.

"A fine middle name Orvar is," Thor issued.

"Welcome to Asgard, Alexander, my name is Fandral, I am sure you will fit in well," Fandral greeted.

"Nice to meet you," Alexander answered.

"And that is Sif," Loki added, pointing to her. "She's going to be Thor's wife," he whispered.

"Can I call her Auntie Sif?" the young boy questioned.

Sif chuckled.

"Why of course you can," she soothed.

"Then I shall be Uncle Thor," the blonde chimed.

Loki scoffed.

"I suppose I'll be Uncle Fandral too," the other blonde spoke.

"It seems so," Loki hummed. "Where are mother and father?" he queried.

Thor went to speak, before another voice interrupted him.

"Right here my son," Frigga issued.

"Mother," Loki breathed out, sighing with relief.

They embraced warmly as Loki settled into the comfort of a mother's touch. She pulled away and rested a hand on his chest.

"You're hurting my darling," she whispered.

"Mother I have been hurting for well over a year now," Loki wavered, keeping his tears at bay.

"I doubt you will for much longer," Frigga soothed.

Loki eyed her with confusion as Odin approached, his gaze falling on Loki.

"Father..." Loki spoke.

"Loki," he replied. "Such a tragedy has happened to you, I am sorry for the loss," he added.

The god let the tears fall as Odin took his hand and gave it a firm squeeze.

"I am proud of you Loki," he assured him.

"Thank you father," Loki breathed out, bowing his head.

"Where's your son?" Odin questioned.

"Alexander," Loki crooned, holding his hand out behind him.

His son took his hand as he was pulled up beside Loki, facing the Allfather who looked down at him.

"Hello," Alexander spoke bravely.

Odin actually smiled softly.

"My very own grandson, welcome to Asgard, Alexander," he answered.

"Aren't you just gorgeous, you look so much like Loki, except for your eyes," Frigga gushed.

"Yes he-" Loki paused, looking down at his son. "His eyes are like Thomas'," he murmured.

"I should hope so," a voice interjected.

"Father!" Alexander exclaimed excitedly.

Loki's head shot up as Fandral and Sif moved their horses to the side, with Odin and Frigga stepping back also. Frigga had her hand on Alexander's shoulder, whispering to him to stay where he was. The god's heart nearly stopped in his chest when he saw a familiar face coming towards him. He was dressed in Asgardian robes, a deep blue and lick of silver as he smiled at Loki.

"Hello darling," he spoke.

"Thomas?" Loki gasped.

Tom nodded as Frigga wiped a tear away.

"B-but how? I'm dreaming. Am I dreaming? Mother...tell me I'm dreaming," Loki winced, feeling his chest tighten.

"You are not," she responded.

"How?" Loki choked out.

"A mother always has her ways," she mused.

Loki's legs gave out as he fell to his knees, Tom rushing forward as he knelt down in front of him. Feeling Tom's hands touch his skin felt like the first time they ever made a move on each other. The god cried as he lent his head against Tom's forehead. He couldn't believe it.

"I'm here love, I'm here," Tom soothed.

He bundled Loki up in his arms as the god trembled, weeping with joy. His fingers curled into Tom's robes as his cries came out in short bursts. The blonde soothed his lover and rubbed circles on his back. Tom himself started crying as he closed his eyes and breathed in the familiar smell of vanilla that Loki loved so much.

"This calls for a feast," Thor jeered.

"I think so," Frigga chuckled. "Come, we will leave them alone for a moment, Alexander, come with us dear," she crooned.

Tom turned and smiled at Alexander as Loki tried to compose himself, wiping his tear stained cheeks with his hands.

"Go with your grandmother Alexander, I'll see you very shortly, I promise my darling boy," he whispered.

As they left, Tom turned back to Loki, cupping his face in his hands.

"You're still so beautiful," he hummed.

"You absolute fool," Loki cursed, a small smile curving at the corner of his mouth. "Do you have any idea how much our friends are hurting back on Midgard," he added.

"They know," Tom answered.

Loki frowned.

"It was going to be a surprise for you," the blonde crooned.

"I hate you but I love you at the same time," Loki grumbled.

Tom laughed.

"I'm sorry it took so long, but Frigga had some difficulties," he breathed out.

"Oh I don't care!" Loki exclaimed, his eyes lighting up. "As long as you're here, with me, again, my darling I do not care," he hissed.

His lips crashed against Tom's, fingers curling into his short strands of hair. Tom let out a content huff as he pulled Loki's leather armour, bringing them closer. He tilted the god's head, deepening the kiss as he kissed Loki like it was their last night on Earth. Loki pulled away for a breath, his breath warm on Tom's lips.

"I love you," he sighed breathlessly.

"I love you too," Tom replied. "Oh and Loki?" he continued.

"Yes my love?" he hummed.

"We're getting married, again, but a proper Asgardian wedding," Tom mused.

Loki laughed as he pulled Tom in for another kiss, arms strong and protective around the blonde.

"I'd marry you again and again," Loki purred.

And that was enough for Tom, enough for Loki. So long as they were together, they were complete. They wouldn't have it any other way.

_"And when one of them meets the other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy and one will not be out of the other's sight, as I may say, even for a moment..."_

**Author's Note:**

> The quote at the end was said by Plato so I had to add it in the end.


End file.
